Meh...again...

I knew I'd written a post not long ago about depression and I just looked it up, it was back in November.  Now that I'm thinking about it, November is getting close to a year ago...  But, the reason I looked up the depression post is because I was trying to figure out if I'd been getting depressed a lot lately (apparently over the last year...).  I know I have been in the last month or so and I'm not sure why it's happening now...

Here's what I know, I'm not happy:

• at my job
• with where I live
• with life choices I've made
• with the career path I'm attempting to carve out for myself in school (maybe, I'm not sure about this yet)
• that I'm in my late 30s and in school

And, let's be real here, sometimes I'm not happy in my marriage or with my kids or my cat...  I'm sure the list of things I'm not happy with goes on, but I can't think of anything else at the moment.

The "I'm not happy" list isn't something new so I can't see how it's contributing to my depression-of-late. Maybe it's finally all hitting home at once and it's all been carried around and built up for so long that I'm finally starting to break under it's weight.

On Eagles Wings

Today, I was asked by a coworker to write out some passages from Psalm 91 as a gift to a patient she has on her unit.  He's scheduled to be discharged and he's scared to go home because he's afraid he'll fall again.  She asked me to do the writing because she said that she knows I'm (and I quote) "an artist".  Apparently if you write "Welcome" and "Goodbye" on patient cups (as well as doodle occasionally on them for certain holidays) word gets out that you're "an artist".  LOL!  But I digress...

Using her bible as a guide, I wrote out some passages about the protection that God provides to those in need.  As I was reading the Psalm I realized that it's the one that "On Eagles Wings" (a song we sang in church occasionally - when I attended Catholic church) is based.

After I finished, and she was happy with the results, I looked up the lyrics to "On Eagles Wings", just to be sure I was right about it being the song based on what I was reading/copying from the bible.  It was, and reading the lyrics again, after all these years brought back the pain of losing my friend 12 years ago, at the age of 26.  We sang the song at the end of his funeral as the casket was taken from the church.  I can still recall it as if I were standing in the church now - and it makes me cry.  I guess I still miss my friend...

Until further notice...

Blog updates will not be happening at a regular interval (not that they ever did) because I am totally overwhelmed by school work, among other things.  I barely have time to breathe, let alone try to remember to find time to hammer out a few sentences on the 3 blogs I write... (I know, why not stop writing 3 and only do one?  But I don't wanna... the others have a lot of content already and I don't want them all combined into one blog, it'd be too confusing, and HEY! I don't have to justify anything to you [whoever you are out there reading this, don't you have anything better to do with your time?] anyway!  LOL!).  OK, I've wasted enough time not doing my homework and working on the huge project I have to have done for my class, time to get it in gear (or risk failure - that would be BAD!).

Snow, snow, go away!

Other than the insane cold and snowy winter we've been having, nothing of great interest has been happening around the ol' homestead.  School's been cancelled several times due to the cold (kids can't be standing around waiting for the bus in -30 windchill temps!), the snow's been piling up (seriously, the plowed mounds are nearly taller than I am!), and I've been avoiding going outside as much as possible!  I'm soooo over this winter!  It's been ridiculous...on MANY levels!  Spring needs to show up, STAT!

I wish I had more to report, but beyond all the snow we've been getting there isn't anything else...  Stupid winter!!

Happy New Year!

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

I've decided that I'm not making resolutions any more, EVER!  I've come to realize that they never come to fruition - sure I start off with the best of intentions and I stick with things for a little bit, but they never become habits that last.  That being said, I have so many ideas to try, wants to do, needs to do, etc swirling around in my head that I'm beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.  There's so much I want/need to get done and want/need to try this year!  I know every project is started by taking one step at a time but which one to start first?  Where to start?  AHHH!  Perhaps a list, in no particular order, is called for... It may help me to start getting things done if I make a list, right?   Ok, the list then:

• Finish putting the photos (yes, actual photographs), into the multitude of albums I have collected - at least they're all in chronological order already (can I count that part as one thing completed?)
• Catch up on my Wonders In Wax blog
• Blog more
• Exercise
• Lose weight (lots of it)
• Actually use the apps on my phone in the "Health" folder that are for keeping track of my exercising and eating habits
• Keep my desk/bedroom/home organized (I couldn't even type that out without my brain adding "ha ha" at the end of the sentence)
• Read more of the multitude of books/magazines I've collected

There's more, I'm sure of it but I can't think of any more right now.  So let's see how this goes...

Meh...

I woke up yesterday afternoon feeling pretty grumpy/sad/depressed/etc.  I had a hard time shaking the mood too.  Perhaps it was because I woke up in a little bit of pain in my lower belly or perhaps I had a crummy dream that I can't recall now or maybe it was the weather, I donno.  I do know that I spent the better part of the evening, before having to leave for work, wishing the feeling would leave and not come back.

I began to ponder whether people who've been clinically diagnosed as depressed ever get over it or get past it.  Which then made me wonder if I've just been living with the depression I was diagnosed with so many years ago.

I know that as time passes my body and its chemistry changes so I won't/don't/can't feel the ways I did when I was younger still, I can't help but recall how it felt to be depressed when I was a teenager.  I compare that to how I feel today and I know it's not the same but that's not to say that I'm not still depressed but feeling it differently because I'm older now.  It begs the question, have I been depressed for so long that I've become accustomed to the feeling and can't tell "normal" feeling from depression unless the depression deepens tremendously?  Does that even make sense?

She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain

Aside from some nasty coughing fits, I'm finally beginning to feel human again.  :)  I spent the weekend working a craft show with my mom and both days she'd put her hand on my forehead and tell me I had a fever and should go home and rest.  I kept telling her that her hands were cold and she needed to compare my forehead to someone else's because, although I felt tired a lot of the time, I was pretty much fine.  I did stick it out and was fine (I think the tiredness can be attributed to being bored more than anything else - it wasn't an overwhelmingly busy show).  

The crowning moment of the weekend was when I went out to get my car so we could load up after the show ended and I found that I had a VERY flat front passenger tire!  Fortunately, I have roadside assistance and they came out (fairly quickly) and changed my tire to the spare AND added air to it, all at no cost to me!  It's a good thing I had coverage through my insurance because there wasn't a jack in the car at all!  I wonder where it went...

I returned to work Sunday night, after a week off, thanks to that bug I picked up.  Each night at work has been getting better and I've been having more energy, definitely a plus.  I'm even coughing less each night.  YAY!!

Now to finish my Halloween costume, finish the child's costume and move on in to November...

Did Anyone Get The Number Of That Bus?

Ugh!  I've been sick for 4 days now.  :( 

It started off as a sore throat that I mistook as being irritated because I thought I was really thirsty but realized it was something else after I drank something and it didn't fix the problem.  Since then I've developed a horrible, painful cough, tremendously runny/stuffy nose, dizziness, stuffy ears, swollen and painful lymph glands in my neck... I'm a wreck!  :(

Gigantour & Mayhem Fest

Gigantour with Megadeth, Black Label Society, The Hell Yeahs, Device, and others (I can't remember) was AWESOME!

Andrew rocks out so hard that those around him take notice and join in.  

We met some people who had front row tickets for the show and offered to take Andrew up for the first few songs when Megadeth was on.  We agreed, only because the guy had to come back for his girlfriend (Andrew was using her ticket to get up front).  Andrew, in usual fashion, managed to get the attention of the lead singer, Dave Mustane, who fist bumped him and gave him the set list for the show!

This kid has all the luck!!

We really had a great time, even if the show was slightly marred by stupid people getting in a fight near our seats during the Megadeth portion of the evening.  We're looking forward to going to Mayhem Fest this Sunday to see Rob Zombie and a bunch of other bands.  This is the year of awesome concerts!

The men rock it out!

We brought a beach ball,
the crowd enjoyed it.

This is the guy who took
Andrew up front

Andrew enjoys Megadeth!

Thank goodness for days off from work!

We had a nice 4th of July, spent with friends, a pool, and a BBQ.  I had to work that night though, so no firework viewing for me.  :(

The weekend found us at the Farmington Farmer's Market.  My friend Michele was selling her cookies there, so we visited her and got tasty goodies in the process.

Work was redonkulous last night - understaffed,had a nurse who was working two floors and refused to carry a phone so I could find him when I needed him, a patient fell (but was mostly unscathed - now where is that nurse?!) while their sitter was in the room with them (how does that happen?!), other patients think I'm their personal slave and should magically appear and be at their beck and call the moment they press their call button or shout out for me...  Seriously, I'm super glad to be away from that place for the next two days!  And I'm super glad that my coworker, who works the nights I'm not there, was willing to swap a day with me so I didn't have to work, have a night off, then work again, because that isn't really any time off because I come home and sleep until noon (at least) and then am up but go back to sleep in the evening/night, so I lose half a day.  :(

On the plus side, the fam and I are going to see Megadeath and Black Label Society tonight with one of Jason's coworkers and his fiancee.  Should be a good time (and I should go get ready).

Until next time, kiddies...

...trying again...

I'm baaaacccck...  Yeah, run while you still can!  It seems I'm going to repeat myself here and say, every time I try to keep up with this, it doesn't happen...  Maybe I should stop saying that...

I've started 2 new blogs, one of which I'm hoping to keep up on every day that I exercise (which should be at least 3 times a week, if not more.  Let's hope I didn't just jinx myself there!), maybe that'll help me to keep up on this blog too.  The exercise blog is here.  I don't promise it'll be super exciting but I write for myself, no one else...

The other blog I'm starting is one about all the interesting (to me, anyway) candles I've managed to collect in various places - Salvation Army, garage sales, etc.  Again, it may not be exciting, be forewarned...  You can find it here, if you're so inclined.

In other news, the family and I manage to keep ourselves busy - mostly on the weekends.  Lately we've been finding ourselves on the east side of the state.  We've been to Detroit a few weekends in a row and last weekend we visited St. Clair, Port Huron, and Lexington - all in one day.  I'll share our adventures of the last few weekends, but in another post, for I am quite exhausted right now (I worked last night and only had a few hour nap before I got up and exercised with Andrew today.  Plus it's kinda late...).

Time for my beauty sleep...

Trying again...

Every time I try to keep up with this blog, it doesn't happen. I've found the blogging app for my iPhone and hopefully that will help me keep up better.

I've been super busy, between full time work on the graveyard shift and part time school I barely have time for family or friends but I'm making it all happen. It hasn't been easy, that's for sure. Especially with a teenager who thinks he knows all AND knows best. But I digress...

I'll recap from June (when I last wrote a post). I worked briefly at the new job an hour away but the drive home was becoming really dangerous because I would fall asleep on the expressway, not good! As much as I loved that job and the people I worked with, I couldn't keep tempting fate on the drive home. I knew I'd eventually die in a fiery wreck, it was inevitable. I went on a search for a job closer to home. It meant taking a pay cut, especially on the weekends, but it also meant I'd continue to live. I was fortunate to find a job at a newly built facility 5 minutes from home. No more 12 hour, 3 days a week job :( I am back to 8 1/2 hour, 4 days a week. I'm not thrilled but it's a lot safer for me. Plus, I'm working with a lot of the same folks I worked with at "the lodge". It's nice to be so close to home, and the benefits are pretty nice too.

The kids went back to school in September. It's nice to have the whole house back on a schedule.

Beyond all that there's not much to report.

Yeah...I've been gone...but I'm back now....

Holy guacamole, where have I been?  Shortly after my last post my laptop suddenly decided to become air born.  It realized, almost immediately, that it can't fly and smashed itself onto the kitchen floor, where it laid with little pieces of its innards scattered around it.  It was so sad, really.... I cried.  I loved my laptop.

 With school starting for me in a few days we had to find a replacement.  We did so and I am the proud owner of a new (back in January) laptop.  So why haven't I been posting?  Why didn't I recap the trip to Kalahari and The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?  Well, dear reader, I'll tell you... it's because I've been so darned busy!

As I mentioned, school started.  I was taking 2 classes - Stress Management and English Composition while also working full time, midnights.  On top of that baseball season started for Andrew, so did the twice a week practices - in addition to his weekly guitar lessons and Cub Scouts!  In mid-March, a third class began - Sociology.  It's an accelerated class.  7 1/2 weeks but we meet twice a week (with homework twice a week, too).  I'm never going to do this to myself again.  It's too much!  I've been attempting to employ techniques I'm learning in Stress Management...

Tomorrow night is my last night working at the "Lodge".  I found a new job that pays better but is an hour away but offers me 12 hour shifts (still on mids, tho) so I only have to work 3 days a week.  I'm hoping this will make my life a bit easier, or at the very least, give me some time to continue to clean up around here...

Let's see....what else to report....

Last month we thought we'd found a new place to live, but, alas, it was not meant to be and we are left where we currently are.  Oh well...

I'll recap Kalahari/R&RHoF in my next post.  I just wanted to check back in and reassure those who do actually read this, I am still alive....

Stay tuned...

We've returned from our vacation to Ohio to visit Kalahari and detour to Cleveland to visit The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on our way home.  I took tons of photos, so stay tuned for the next post where I recap our mini-vacation.

Resolutions...

Every time the calendar flips over and a new year begins something inside me feels different, for a while anyway.  I can't exactly pin point what that feeling is but it almost feels like a "freshness" has settled in - like the slate from all the years past has been wiped clean and I get to start over - again...  Eventually the feeling fades and somehow I fall back into old routines and everything seems to become the same again, ho hum, ho hum, blah, blah, blah...and I find myself not sticking with the resolutions I make every year.

Once again this new year I have made a few resolutions while feeling "fresh" again...  I'm going to post them on my main page and try to update/check off what I do and get done as the year goes on.

I hope that this year I can preserve that "freshness" feeling for the whole year... wouldn't that be nice?

I have returned!!!

I can't believe I haven't posted since 2009!  I was re-reading the previous posts and having a good laugh over some of them.  The memories were nice to re-live.  :)

Here are some highlights from the past couple years...

• The same day as the last post (1/8/09) on my way to take Jamie to his doctor appointment we were involved in a minor car accident.  The person who caused it was an older man who seemed really confused when we finally caught up with him.  I'm not sure what came of things because after I told my story to the responding officer he let us leave and he was still dealing with the accident-causer when we left.  
• Later in the month Andrew performed in his school's talent show and rocked the house, again!  This time he played and sang "Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2)" by Pink Floyd.
• In February Jason had his birthday.  :)  I think I also completed my nurse assistant training.
• In April Andrew turned 7 and my dad turned 63.  :)
• In May I took my state certification test for my CNA license and passed!
• At some point in the summer months I was involved in another minor car accident.  A man changed lanes and ran into my Jeep while we were in a multi-lane roundabout.  
• In August my mom turned 63 and my sister turned 30.  :)
• In September my brother turned 29.  :)
• At some point in the fall I was involved in yet another minor car accident (what a year, right?!).  This time a woman turned in front of me, there was no avoiding her.  :(  I began to think that my Jeep was an accident magnet...
• In November I turned 32 and Jamie turned 14.  :)

That about sums up 2009 in a nut shell.

2010:

• Andrew performed in the talent show again this year.  He played and sang "Ring of Fire" as done by Social Distortion (they covered Johnny Cash).  He was again, incredible!
• We went to a place called Kalahari.  It was the most amazing place I've ever been.  We had a fantastic time.  

See for yourself:

Upon our arrival, we met with the Kalahari mascot...

..and a some beautiful women, who happened to also be current and former beauty contest winners!  The lovely lady on the right is former Miss America Jackie Mayer.

Including, the lovely, "Miss Ohio".  Not too bad a start, eh?

Just outside of the water park is a kids' play area with this tree that shoots balls.

This would be the water park!
You can't really tell how big and fantastic it is because the sunlight from the skylights has washed out the back half of the park.  Off to the right you can see the children's area....  

...it has a big water dumping bucket...

...that Andrew LOVED!

This is one of the two water slides in the children's area.

Across from, and to the left of the children's area is a deeper pool where you can play basketball (it's on the left in this photo).  Or you can visit the wave pool (in the center on the other side of the bridge in this photo)

This is FlowRider.  You can stand and surf...

...or lay down and body board.  GO ANDREW!!

Staff is friendly and helpful.  Now it's Jamie's turn.

GO JAMIE!!

When you're done playing in the water, you can play putt-putt.

Andrew ponders the next hole...

At the end of the day, eat at The Reserve.  Their food is fantastic!

As our trip came to an end, Jason and Andrew rested by a wooden statue.

It is now 2012 and while not a lot significant has happened so far this year we will be heading off to Kalahari once again thanks to the generosity of my brother and sister at Christmas.  I can't wait - this is like MY Christmas!!  I will, of course, post photos when we return.

He really IS a rocker!

I know this post is a long time in comin' and for that I apologize. Of all the things that get neglected when I lack for time, the blog is the first one to get the axe. Anyway...

AJ rocked the local high school's auditorium like no other (then) 5 year old could. He played a montage of (in this order) Iron Man by Black Sabbath, Paranoid by Black Sabbath, and Back In Black by AC/DC.

Dad took a video of it and you can see it here.

Tell me that kid isn't going to grow up to be a rockstar!

He's a rocker, dude, through and through

I believe I forgot to mention in my last posting that Andrew performed his first mini "concert" a couple weeks ago. It was the Sunday after Christmas and he'd gone to church (as usual) with my parents and my brother who was visiting from Indiana.  After church Brent picked me up (along with Andrew's guitar, amp, and cord) and we went to the place where everyone meets up for breakfast. Andrew had been telling the waitresses for months about his guitar playing and they wanted to hear just how good he really is. They said it would be ok for him to bring his guitar and play. I guess they didn't know that he plays a full size electric guitar, not an acoustic.

So Brent and I haul in Andrew's gear and they allow us to plug him in (so long as he doesn't turn it up too loud - but even at it's lowest, it was a little loud). He rocked The Village Restaurant like no other 5 year old could! One girl was even recording him on her cell phone. The whole place clapped when he was done. It was awesome!

Now, on to the main reason for this post. As I'd previously mentioned, Andrew auditioned and was accepted for his school's talent show. He's gonna rock! I just know it (and this isn't the biased mother talking - he's really incredible).

The talent show is in two weeks. He and I still have to go over what he's going to wear and he still needs to polish up his work on the fast parts of the songs he's playing. Otherwise, he's all set.

I can't wait to see him up on the stage at the high school. I just know it's going to blow every one's minds when they hear how good he is.

Come to the show, you WON'T be disappointed!  Message me if you're interested...

Lows-n-Highs

Frustration abounds. My work is annoying me. I understand the economy is bad so my hours will be cut, that's the nature of this business. I worked ONE day (yes you read that right) this week. I don't have any days next week. This sucks. I couldn't get a hold of my boss to discuss this with him today so now I have to wait until Monday to try to track him down. If that doesn't work, I'm calling his cell phone.

Other than that, I've just been adding to my already insane workload at home. This week went like this:

Monday - no work
Tuesday - no work, help with the elementary school's talent show auditions (Andrew auditioned and made it) - auditions that ended up running an HOUR behind! Came home at 9 pm.
Wednesday - run to grocery store to return bottles, mail 3 packages for Jason at UPS store, meet up with Dad and get supplies from Home Depot for PTA sandwich board sign, MAKE sandwich board sign, prime sign, leave to go to work but end up chasing Dad's dog, Buddy, who got out of the yard, convince him to get in car, drive him back to parents' house and put him IN the house, leave for work (slightly late, I was supposed to be there at 11 am), come home and make dinner, get it in the oven and leave for PTA meeting at 7 pm, end up volunteering to chair (yet another) activity for the PTA (I already head up the Leo's Night fundraiser - what the sandwich board is for - and co-chair the talent show), come home at 9 pm, again.
Thursday - no work, meet up with Jason at his work for lunch and get my new shoes, come home at 2 pm, start cataloging and alphabetizing the DVDs (we always wanted them in a list so we could know what we had at a glace and I got tired of searching for DVDs when I wanted to watch something specific), start dinner and get it in the oven, leave for the local historical society meeting at 7 pm, end up volunteering to be the events committee chairperson and take care of putting up a billboard at the local Wal-Mart about the historical Society (as soon as possible, no less!), get home by 9 pm

Crazy huh? Tomorrow Jamie has a doctor appointment at 9:30 am and Andrew has a guitar lesson at 6 pm. The fun never stops. And apparently, neither do I!

Here's yet another thing I'll be doing: I'm going to go to "school"! My wonderful parentals have graciously volunteered to fund my 3 week schooling to become a certified nurse aide. The classes are in February. It's going to be interesting to see how this works out. If I'm still employed by my current (lack of) employer they should be able to work with my 9-3:30 class schedule, if I'm not I'll have to resort to the glamorous world of fast food (or something like that) until I can find decent work with my new certification (I don't expect that to be difficult).

Looks like 2009 is shaping up to be the year of insanity!

Another year along...

'Tis the new year. Time sure flies!

Jason & I rang it in by going out to Applebee's for dinner on the 31st and going to see the new Adam Sandler movie "Bedtime Stories". Dinner was good (even though we waited FOREVER for it - the kitchen lost our order ticket?!) and the movie was cute. It was really nice to be able to get out and do something without the kids. We haven't been to the movies or out to dinner in AGES!

After dinner and the movie we came home and I played Animal Crossing City Folk on the Wii (we got it for Christmas from my brother and sister, best present EVER!!!). The game does a midnight countdown. It was fun. Besides, we're tired of creepy Dick Clark and his lack of aging each year.

Anyway, after the game's countdown I shut it off and went to bed. Maybe not the most exciting way to end the year and begin the new one but it was good enough for me. :)