Meh...again...

I knew I'd written a post not long ago about depression and I just looked it up, it was back in November.  Now that I'm thinking about it, November is getting close to a year ago...  But, the reason I looked up the depression post is because I was trying to figure out if I'd been getting depressed a lot lately (apparently over the last year...).  I know I have been in the last month or so and I'm not sure why it's happening now...

Here's what I know, I'm not happy:

• at my job
• with where I live
• with life choices I've made
• with the career path I'm attempting to carve out for myself in school (maybe, I'm not sure about this yet)
• that I'm in my late 30s and in school

And, let's be real here, sometimes I'm not happy in my marriage or with my kids or my cat...  I'm sure the list of things I'm not happy with goes on, but I can't think of anything else at the moment.

The "I'm not happy" list isn't something new so I can't see how it's contributing to my depression-of-late. Maybe it's finally all hitting home at once and it's all been carried around and built up for so long that I'm finally starting to break under it's weight.

On Eagles Wings

Today, I was asked by a coworker to write out some passages from Psalm 91 as a gift to a patient she has on her unit.  He's scheduled to be discharged and he's scared to go home because he's afraid he'll fall again.  She asked me to do the writing because she said that she knows I'm (and I quote) "an artist".  Apparently if you write "Welcome" and "Goodbye" on patient cups (as well as doodle occasionally on them for certain holidays) word gets out that you're "an artist".  LOL!  But I digress...

Using her bible as a guide, I wrote out some passages about the protection that God provides to those in need.  As I was reading the Psalm I realized that it's the one that "On Eagles Wings" (a song we sang in church occasionally - when I attended Catholic church) is based.

After I finished, and she was happy with the results, I looked up the lyrics to "On Eagles Wings", just to be sure I was right about it being the song based on what I was reading/copying from the bible.  It was, and reading the lyrics again, after all these years brought back the pain of losing my friend 12 years ago, at the age of 26.  We sang the song at the end of his funeral as the casket was taken from the church.  I can still recall it as if I were standing in the church now - and it makes me cry.  I guess I still miss my friend...